"Oh, on that night I had came from a party on 3rd Avenue with some friends and I was going home. And that's when I was stopped by police officers, and they was explaining to me that there was a guy in one of their police cars that was saying that I allegedly robbed him, and they had searched me and the guy actually... at first he said I robbed him, I didn't have anything on me. And that's when..."
"You say nothing, you mean no weapon, and none of his property?"
"No weapon, no money, anything he said that I allegedly robbed him for"
They told me freeze, I can't run far
So now I'm stuck, handcuffed inside the cop car
Told me I'm wanted in connection with a robbery
The witness said he wasn't sure but it was probably me
Told 'em I'm innocent, I swear it really wasn't me
The cop laughed and just kept on fingerprinting me
Asked me my age and I told him barely sixteen
Read me my rights, didn't know what them shits mean
Inside a room, the lady asking me like where I was?
Taking pictures of my tats, was I crip or blood?
I repeat I wasn't there, I was in my home
Are y'all finished? are y'all done? now can I go home?
They put me back inside a cell with that pissy smell
Where niggas layin' on the bench and on the floor as well
Blew a pin, cheese sandwiches, I wasn't smilin'
At my arraignment judge told 'em take me to the Island
He set bail, what the hell, I can't post that
My mama poor, all this over a backpack?
The folk building where they took me I heard stories 'bout
Where adolescents chew rocks and spit razors out
Just a boy but they forcing me to be a man
And my [?] in the day room got me throwin' hands
They tryna jump me but I'm fighting back with all my might
Dirty CO's just watchin', let 'em beat me twice, this can't be life
Got me thinkin' I should take my own
At nights I cried, fantasizing that they send me home
I miss my family, these days turning into months
Ride to that courthouse on this filthy bus
I want my trial but the DA said they still ain't ready
And since I fight back they put me in solitary
Twenty-three locked down, ain't no commissary
Write letters, stand strong, mama don't you worry
I feel trapped, got me livin' where the mice at
I feel darkness in this cage, where the lights at?
Countin' the bricks on the wall, think I lost my mind
I can't take it, lately contemplating suicide
I can't believe I been here and three years past
All charges dropped, finally being free at last
My whole family is happy that I'm finally back
But what they took from me I am never getting back
Look how they stole my childhood and they beat me soft
Comin' home slightly different than I was before
It was horror, all the memories at night haunt me
Wakin' up screamin', thinkin' that the CO's on me
I'm hearing voices now, I'm paranoid, who do I trust?
Tryna find my way, gettin' harder to adjust
I can't take it, please somebody get this pressure off me
Man I'm feelin' like God ain't throw a blessing towards me
I feel the love but the demons in my head is louder
The court-appointed lawyer that they gave me did me fouler
I'm depressed, sorry mom, I couldn't make you prouder
I give up, take my own life, Kalief Browder
"The judge told me that if I plead guilty, I would be released from jail that same day, but I didn't do it! You're not gonna make me say I did something just so I can go home"
When we first met him November of last year, he was doing better, he said. Earned his GED, started classes at Bronx Community College, pulling a 3.56 GPA. But the psychological trauma from jail had taken its toll
"When he first came home, he would just walk the four corners of the driveways"
"You hear animals do, that have been confined to a space"
"Yes, he did it. And I had to watch my baby go through all of that"
In the last year, Kalief grew depressed, deeply paranoid
"You know deep down, I'm a mess. I feel like I'm a grown old man"
And then, two Saturdays ago, two years after his release from jail, Kalief Browder hanged himself with an air conditioner cord in his home in the Bronx. He was 22
