I was sittin' backstage shittin' meself at the Jerry Springer show,
Me missus said she wanted to tell me somethin' and she wanted the 
world to know,
While she was out gettin' her makeup done I stared across the room 
and seen,
This fuckin' A-grade ten and half and she was starin' back at me,
But she was standin' upside down on her head, with her legs spread 
in the air,
And the primal urge surged when I seen she weren't wearin' any 
underwear,
So I asked her why she's upside down like that and did she know 
she weren't wearin' and knickers?
She said "I'm goin' on the Jerry Springer show 'cause I do pussy 
tricks',
What? 'I do pussy tricks.

I do pussy tricks (puss puss pussy tricks) like stuff you've never 
seen,
Pussy tricks (puss puss pussy tricks) and I'm gonna be in TV 
And I'll blow smoke rings from a big cigar, just like Monica did,
Fair dinkum fuckin' amazin' pussy tricks".

Then she told me what her name was, and I told her mine,
And she apologised for standin' with her legs in the air but she was 
waitin' for her hair to dry,
Then she asked would I mind if she practiced, would I fuckin' mind?
So I shut the door bolted the latch pulled up a chair and said, "Oh 
alright",
Then she stood on her head and she said "Hey Kev, watch this one, 
what do you think?"
And I near polvolted out'a me chair that pussy started winkin', like 
this,
That pussy started winkin'.

And she done pussy tricks (puss puss pussy tricks) like stuff I've 
never seen,
Pussy tricks (puss puss pussy tricks) pussy winkin' back at me
Then she blew smoke rings from a big cigar, just like Monica did,
Fair dinkum fuckin' amazin' pussy tricks.

Then she asked me to move in closer and she said "Hey Kev, watch 
this",
And I swear as true as I'm standin' here that pussy puckered up and 
blew me a kiss,
And what happened next you wouldn't believe and I swear on a 
stack'a bibles, 
She grabbed me head between her legs and that fuckin' pussy was 
smilin', like this,
Then she begged me to stick a couple'a fingers in, couple'a fingers 
fuckin' hell,
My mates aren't gonna believe me, that cunt could whistle as well, 
fuckin' hell,
That cunt could whistle as well.

And she done pussy tricks (puss puss pussy tricks) first it winked at 
me like this,
Pussy tricks (puss puss pussy tricks) puckered up and blew me a 
kiss 
Then she combed her hair like Elvis, and she twitched her upper lip 
like this,
Fair dinkum fuckin' amazin' pussy tricks.

Fair dinkum fuckin' amazin' pussy tricks.

"Thank you, thank you very much".
Fair dinkum fuckin' amazin' pussy tricks.