Nigel, fuckin' legend,
Me and Nige been mates all our lives even played in the same band,
Best gig we ever got was at a country pub, one Easter long
weekend,
And better than that, the wives were invited and we all had double
rooms,
Bit'a quality time for the boys and the brides like a second
honeymoon,
We set up the band when the girls got settled and we done a final
sound check,
Then we run upstairs for a peck and a promise then we run back
down again,
'Cause the pub was pumped and the band kicked ass,course me and
Nigel were pissed,
With the added bonus of a guaranteed root life don't get better than
this,
Then after the gig we had a few more beers and played a few
rounds'a pool,
We were both pretty pissed when we give it a miss I lost twenty, Nige
beat me by two,
And then he said "Kev I'll make you a bet, double or nothin'll do,
I'll be you that twenty when we get upstairs I get more roots than
you".
Nigel, fuckin' legend,
So we both stumbled upstairs and then shook hands and, wished
each other good luck,
Knowin' full well that the competition's on and tomorrow we'd be
tallyin' fucks,
Could hardly wait to get the key in the door 'cause the missus was
waitin' there too,
Spread out on the bed in her negligee, "Come here Rambo I've been
waitin' for you".
"Kevvy, fuckin' legend",
Number one was fun for the missus and me got up to stuff we hadn't
done in years,
So I marked it on the wall with a piece'a chalk that I found behind me
ear,
And I must'a dosed off 'cause when I looked at the clock by the bed it
said at quarter past two,
So I give her a nudge said, "You 'wake love?" no response thank
you, number two.
"Kevvy, fuckin' legend",
Next thing I knew it was six o'clock, 'cause I woke up with a huge
piss horn,
But before I could go the missus had him by the throat, "Rambo want
some more?"
Then she dragged me to shower took another half hour but I didn't
mind at all,
Lay back on the bed thought, "Good on ya Kev" as I marked a third
stroke on the wall.
"Kevvy, fuckin' legend",
I was dosin' off again a contented man just thinkin' about my good
luck,
With the missus whisperin' in me ear, "Rambo want another fuck?"
Then all hell broke loose and there was bangin' and smashin' and
you'll never guess who crashed through the door,
Pumped full'a Viagra, frothin' at the mouth dick dribblin' on the floor.
Yep you guessed it, Nigel, fuckin' legend.
He left a snail as he crawled to me bed and looked up at the marks
I'd made,
Then he shook me hand and give me hug and a big ol' "Mate",
Then he stood up straight dick danglin' in me face and saluted to the
lines I drew,
"Fuckin' hell Kevin one hundred and eleven, you beat me by two".
Nigel, fuckin' legend.
Nigel, fuckin' legend.
Nigel, fuckin' legend.
