Weighed eight pound ten, when I was born,
Healthy bouncin' baby boy,
Then snip snip snip with the circumcision scissors
And back to six pound four,
Can't remember too much about those days
But I can imagine the fuckin' tears,
They used that cut off bit for me teethin' ring,
And couldn't walk for a whole fuckin' year.
And I remember them games we'd play in the bath,
Together just me pecker and me,
And the bubbles in the bath would be the camouflage,
When we played submarines,
And farts would be the enemy depth charges,
Jesus men that was close!
Then up through the bubbles poked me pecker periscope
And with this on everything that floats.
We've been together since we was babies,
And together we've been through lots,
I'm gonna miss them days and games we played
'Cause I think I've outlived me cock
And that's sad,
I think I've outlived me cock.
And that very first tuff of pubic hair,
Fuckin' the whole world changed from then,
I'd belt him all night like he owed me money
While Dolly Parton sang 'Here You Come Again',
Then me and me cock discovered sheilas,
But that didn't get in our way,
Sure we'd go out every night on a pussy safari,
But still kept wankin' up to nine or ten a day.
But now he's retreated in me guts and he won't come out,
While me balls are gettin' longer and bigger,
And to find him these days amongst the great pubic thatch
I've gotta flick him on the knob end with me finger,
And them facial contortions and the things I'd say
When I was a young bloke slam-dunkin' me dick,
Are the very same faces and things I say
To these days when I'm squeezin' out a shit.
He used to stand up and watch me shavin',
But now he watches as I struggle with me socks,
Now me back's pegged out and me peg's backed out
'Cause I think I've outlived me cock,
And that's sad,
I think I've outlived me cock.
Now winter time I hardly ever see him at all,
He's a fuckin' hermit now he is,
I gotta prod meself up the freckle each mornin',
Just to get him to come out for a piss,
But pissin' ain't a problem in the middle of the night
'Cause I'm up and down like a bloody ladder,
And if he's dead like I think he is,
He forgot to tell me fuckin' bladder.
He used to piss like a fuckin' firehose,
Now he pisses like he's tied in a knot,
Couldn't organise a puddle at a piss up,
'Cause I think I've outlived me cock,
And that's sad,
Yep, I think I've outlived me cock.
Things have changed a lot since I was a kid,
Now me knackers hang longer than me donger ever did,
Gotta squat like a sheila when I take a piss,
'Cause I think I've outlived me cock,
And that's sad
Yeah I think I've outlived me cock,
How sad's that?
I think I've outlived me cock.
