The old Bastard lay sprawled on the nursin home floor
he'd been wankin an fell out of his chair,
An as he fell on his guts his colostun he bust
splatterin muck an guck an shit everywhere,
It was all up the wall on the matron an all
it was caked on her apron an hair,
And as we ducked for cover that filthy old bugger just
sat there with his cock in his hand.......
Ah, it couldn't ave been a worse day cos it was his
birthday
with the rellies rallied all round his bed,
Absoloutly amazed that he'd actually made another
birthday cos he should have ben dead,
With all that fuckin an fightin that he'd done in his
life, he should have been hung years ago,
By any number of blokes whose missus he's poked with
that monster he was strokin there now
(Chorus)
Ah, grandads got his stiffy
grandads got a bone
somebody better get nana in quick
we'd promised her we'd phone
He's OD'd on Viagra
CALL GRANDMOTHER UP ON THE PHONE
grandads got a stiffy
grandads got a bone
(verse)
But he just wouldn't stop wankin so we chucked on a
blanked, so the women and kids couldn't see
his battered banana hangin out his pyjamas and the cum
stain an shit on his sheets
but that filthy old bastard sat cackaling laughin, just
waving his slug in the air
And by the look in his eye matron knew it was time
'EVERYBODY GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!'
(Chorus)
Cos, grandads got his stiffy
grandads got a bone
somebody better get nana in quick
we'd promised her we'd phone
Cos grandads going ballistic
CALL GRANDMOTHER UP ON THE PHONE
grandads got a stiffy
grandads got a bone
