She changes the way I thought of awkward situations when I met the eyes of an arrid woman mayonnaise hair soaked in piss Gumming on the seat before her she shifts her leg with breath of cat food and eyes as sad as the punished infant she leans in my direction I've been thinking about how things that always made sense before just kind of stopped altogether when I inherited my terrible condition Now I can't stop thinking about sun and paper and other things a woman my age shouldnt be thinking about and it makes my stomach rot I guess what Im trying to say is lose yourself as soon as possible and it doesnt feel good but it doesnt feel bad either but theres nothing I can do about it But sit here and fall apart.