This is my life and this is how it reads 
 For every chapter, a thousand memories 
 A murder, a mystery where everybody bleeds 
 A fantasy, a thriller with romance and disease 

 Diary entry 9th of May '62 
 We've had some ugly babies but none were quite like you 
 Diary entry '62 end of May 
 It looks as if the nose and chin are definitely here to stay 
 They're here to stay, they're here to stay 

 If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking 
 I'm a failure 
 You are, you are 
 And if I seem half-hearted, it's because I'm broken hearted 
 And I'm a failure 
 You are, you are, you are (I am) 
 You are, you are, you are (I am) 

 This is my life and this is how it reads 
 A documentary that nobody believes 
 Albert Steptoe in 'Gone with the Breeze' 
 Mother played by Peter Beardsley, father by John Cleese 

 Diary entry '68 end of the year 
 A cardboard Apollo 6 has given the all clear 
 11th December '68 Captain's log 
 Proposed trip to Mars is cancelled due to fog 
 It's due to fog, it's due to fog 

 If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking 
 I'm a failure 
 You are, you are 
 And if I seem half-hearted, it's because I'm broken hearted 
 And I'm a failure 
 You are, you are, you are (I am) 
 You are, you are, you are (I am) 

 This is the play, it was I who wrote the script 
 Terry meets June in 'Tales from the Crypt' 
 It was going to be a film but the camera person slipped 
 They later found him scolding a banana 

 Diary entry 10th of April '89 
 The world is going mad but me I'm doing fine 
 I'm doing fine 

 Back to bed, back to reality 
 Just fine.