Do, do you remember back in middle school; 
When my trunks fell down at the pool. 
Everyone laughed, except for you; 
You just let me hold you in my bedroom. 

Our freshmen year, when Julie McKnight; 
Dumped me because of my overbite. 
I cried all night all over you; 
You didn't seem to mind my tears or my drool. 

I could always hold you tight. 
(My favorite pillow) 
So soft, so cool on your other side. 
(My favorite pillow) 

In my eyes, you've been nothing but classy; 
But everybody's saying you're nasty. 
Full of fungus, it can't be true; 
Laden with bacteria. (No, not you) 

But the thing that really did me in; 
I learned your full of dust mite excrement. 
And those dead skin cells may be mine; 
But knowing what's in you, I can't sleep at night. 

We've been through both thick and thin. 
(Because you're a pillow) 
It's hard to say this is the end. 
(My favorite pillow) 

It's not me, it's definitely you. 
(I'll get a new pillow) 
You're a body fluid sponge, and we're through. 
(I'm getting a new you)