I've just finished decorating It was very irritating And I know they're going to come around tonight And I know they're going to say to me tonight It makes the room look bigger It makes the room look bigger So let's forget about the open top bus ride Standing tall on the Town Hall balcony It's about as likely as hen's teeth It's about as likely as hen's teeth And as the light gets dimmer I watch the chance get slimmer But I'm putting up a hook to hang my hopes upon There's a fella coming round to put the gas back on And if truth be told now that Thelma's gone It makes the room look bigger I'm drawn towards the souvenir stalls I twirl around the keep fob rack But it's alright for Nicholas and for Neal Yeah but how do you think that makes me feel And all the while I can see I'm on the CCTV Elderly lady at the bus stop thinks I'm going to eat her So to reassure her I ask her for the time And her sense of relief at my friendly tone Reveals itself in her karmic moan You can wait twenty minutes and nothing comes along Then all of a sudden three thugs rob your pension Oh there's generally one at twenty five past There's generally one at twenty five past They come swinging round that corner They think they're Benny Goodman But I'm putting up a hook to hang my hopes upon There's a fella coming round to put the gas back on And if truth be told now that Thelma's gone It makes the room look bigger Oh tip-toe to the front row of the Korn Show With a sub-machine gun