As your genial host may I offer a toast
To the wine buying guest on my right
(Hooray for the wine buyer)
Yes drag out the cooking sherry for the old colonel
May his bank account grow heavy laden with dough
May he spend it in here every night
(Every night)
Seeing this night in its glory
You people so loyal, so true
Puts me in mind of a story
Tell us about it, pray do-o-o-o-o-o.
The people in the ballroom were stuffy and arty
So I began to get just a little bit frayed
I sneaked into the kitchen, I dug me a party
The waiter
And the porter
And the second storey maid.
I peeked into the parlour to see what was a-hatchin’
In time to hear the hostess suggest a charade
But who was in the pantry a-laughin’ an’ scratchin’
Oh.The waiter
And the porter
And the upstairs maid
When they heard the music that the orchestra played
The waiter and the porter grabbed a-hold of the maid
Then they all proceeded to go into a clog
Hot diggedy dog.
If ever I’m invited to some fuddy-duddy’s
I ain’t-a-gonna watch any harlequinade
You’ll find him in the kitchen applaudin’ his buddies
The waiter
And the porter
And the upstairs maid
Well pardon me folks the roast is carved
The wine is served, why you look half starved
Pardon me sir, may we be free
The kitchen guard is havin’ a jamboree
I went and got a dish pan to use as a cymbal
The porter found the regular glass that he played
The fingers of the waiter were each in a thimble
You should-a heard the music that the combination made
I went and got a dishpan to use a cymbal
the porter found the regular glass that he played
the fingers of the waiter were each in a thimble,
you should of heard the music that the combination made
Marchin’ through the kitchen to the pantry and back
Why, man, you should-a seen us, we were ballin’ the jack
Once a half an hour passed without any call
Jack we had a ball
The waltzes and mazurkas we hate ‘em, we spurn ‘em
We got a lot of rhythms we wanna hear played
Yes and we know who to go to when we want to learn ‘em
The waiter and the porter and the upstairs maid
