Pubs and clubs and opening hours Was all he knew One arm bandits and Affiliated members Women taboo Had his own tankard And the evening Standard And a trophy from darts That he kept over the bar He'd nothing to fear He had his beer B-E-E-R! Then came her Through the blur Then came she Made him see He saw the light before he'd finished his pint She saved him from the biggest crime in life They hated her They said you'll never see him again Got a mortgage 'round his neck And eight screaming kids But his seat's always here if he wants it