Well, if things could talk then I'm sure you'd hear 
A lot of things to make you cry my dear 
Ain't you glad [Ain't you glad] 
Oh, ain't you glad [Ain't you glad] 
Ain't you glad [Glad] 
Glad that things don't talk 

Now, if shoes could tell where they've been 
When you say you've been visiting a friend 
Ain't you glad [Ain't you glad] 
He-he-hey, ain't you glad [Ain't you glad] 
But ain't you glad [Glad] 
Glad that shoes don't talk 

Now, if doors could tell who's turned the knob 
When he's away out on his job 
If cars could tell who's been inside 
And who's been taking you out for a ride 
Ain't you glad [Ain't you glad] 
Oh, ain't you glad [Ain't you glad] 
But ain't you glad [Glad] 
Glad that cars don't talk 

In a world of trouble I'd be 
If things ever told on me 
My whole life would be through 
'Cause I'm guilty, how about you ? 
If things ever talk that way 
Ain't no telling what they might say 
Ain't you glad [Ain't you glad] 
Oh, ain't you glad [Ain't you glad] 
Ain't you glad [Glad] 
Glad that things don't talk