Yeah
I been healin' since before I knew I was hurt
I been feelin' deeply since before I knew the perks
Short-changin' myself since before I knew my worth
But now I'm puttin' bein' human first
I be tryin' not be vague when I talk anxiety
But it be so hard to explain somethin' that's inside of me
If you could easily relate, I wouldn't need to hide and see
Try not to now, but I got this New York pride in me
Got older, realized most my OGs lied to me
Well, they ain't lied to me, they lied to themselves
The truth is with me, they was probably tryin' to help
Or they just lived a certain story they was tryin' to tell
Tryin' validate their trauma, so they put it on another
Like how whiskey ain't all I stole from my—
Nah, I can't do that
I try to give you all myself, blaze new trails, new maps
But there's just some shit that's better not done through raps
Spend too much time on these human zoo apps
Can't relate to how you eatin', wouldn't make it through apps
With you, obsessed with the capital
It's makin' it hard for me to do what I have to do
Used to feel impostor syndrome when I'd sing about drinkin'
Romanticized it, never truly felt that I was sinkin'
Then one day, I looked up and I'm ten years in
And now I'm wonderin' who draw the line between habit and addiction
Strugglin' with attachment, my heart don't got no Google Drive
So when it get to big or too much, I don't know who's inside
Approachin' thirty, built a career without suits and ties
Approachin' thirty, made it to heights only few could climb
And who knew but I?
But I ain't do it for I-told-you-sos at dinners with so-and-so
Hit the whole gang with the okie doke, they still don't even know it, bro
Tryna balance findin' peace with the hunger to show 'em, though
Yeah, water choppy, so I row it slow
Thin line between obsessive and focused, though
Lotta days I walk it on the side where I ain't supposed to go
Tryna move fast, but minds always open slow
The best that I could do is just show the growth, yeah
And it's happenin', I swear
I recognize me these days when I pass him in the mirror
And be pleasantly surprised the shit I happen not to care about
Almost lost wifey, now we in couples therapy
Few sessions in, but shit's startin' to get more clear to me
Hopin' who I'm not don't lose me, who I could be
I've lived a lot for others, so I'm feelin' like a rookie
It's refreshin'
As I leave my youth and speak my truth
And live the thought that I don't gotta be like you
I mean, I do
We all just tryna find the space, so this time, I gotta take mine
And I really love that
I love it, I love that sense
There's a sense of security in it
Like, I don't have to
I don't have to make it before you leave
Yeah, yeah, exactly
I can take my time
Exactly
I love that
Yeah, that's where I feel like I'm at now
Yeah
And I've been tryin' to, like, be in that
Yeah, that's the confidence
Yeah
And that manifests itself
It's good, it's good
Yeah
