[Originally By Paul Simon]

A man walks down the street 
He says why am I soft in the middle now 
Why am I soft in the middle 
The rest of my life is so hard 
I need a photo-opportunity 
I want a shot at redemption 
Don't want to end up a cartoon 
In a cartoon graveyard 
Bonedigger Bonedigger 
Dogs in the moonlight 
Far away my well-lit door 
Mr. Beerbelly Beerbelly 
Get these mutts away from me 
You know I don't find this stuff amusing anymore 
If you'll be my bodyguard 
I can be your long lost pal 
I can call you Betty 
And Betty when you call me 
You call me Al 
A man walks down the street 
He says why am I short of attention 
Got a short little span of attention 
And wo my nights are so long 
Where's my wife and family 
What if I die here 
Who'll be my role-model 
Now that my role-model is 
Gone Gone 
He ducked back down the alley 
With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl 
All along along 
There were incidents and accidents 
There were hints and allegations 
If you'll be my bodyguard 
I can be your long lost pal 
I can call you Betty 
And Betty when you call me 
You call me Al 
Call me Al 
A man walks down the street 
It's a street in a strange world 
Maybe it's the Third World 
Maybe it's his first time around 
He doesn't speak the language 
He holds no currency 
He is a foreign man 
He is surrounded by the sound 
The sound 
Cattle in the marketplace 
Scatterlings and orphanages 
He looks around, around 
He sees angels in the architecture 
Spinning in infinity 
He says Amen! and Hallelujah! 
If you'll be my bodyguard 
I can be your long lost pal 
I can call you Betty 
And Betty when you call me 
You call me Al 
Call me Al