You come up from the tub all wild, look like a four-eyed pig from Australia You're like a wine-soaked varicose genitalia You'll be a sloth-like crook who likes to fail to Preservear Give me a boat, Bermuda tricycle and I'll disappear Watch what you say 'cause we'll leave you In the woods near the horse And we'll leave you there naked And let nature takes its course Hooker, you think that I'm a Jon As I'm movin' on Jon, Jon, you think that I'm a hooker And you're tryna book her Everybody's wrong About what turns me on He thinks that I'm a hooker She thinks that I'm a Jon Okay... I've been drivin' all night and day, just tryna find Route 66 All I found was a couple teenage boys tryna sell their dicks Ate four-thousand four-hundred forty-eight Flintstones kids to get my fix We can dock our four skins and get a real viscous mix When my first son turns seven I'm gonna give him LSD and see what he says Then I'll toss him to his mama And let him suck on some breasts Hooker, you think that I'm a Jon As I'm movin' on Jon, Jon, you think that I'm a hooker And you're tryna book her Everybody's wrong About what turns me on He thinks that I'm a hooker She thinks that I'm a Jon Okay... You're like a hoodoo phantom eatin' oatmeal and rye You're like the prince of darkness doin' patty cakes in the pig stye You'll be watchin' reruns of Wheel of Fortune when Apocalypse comes Your brain will be expandin' when God's kingdom comes You're like a retreaded Isaac Newton Who lives in Johnny Appleseed's mind Got a concussion from an Apple Makin' pillows in the nine-to-five grind Hooker, you think that I'm a Jon As I'm movin' on Jon, Jon, you think that I'm a hooker And you're tryna book her Everybody's wrong About what turns me on He thinks that I'm a hooker She thinks that I'm a Jon